30 questions for the world

I am going to embark on a new project. A quest or a journey if you will. Anyone who has been remotely following this blog and who knows me in real life knows that I don't have the answers. I don't pretend to have the answers. In fact I probably would not know the answer if it danced naked in front of me wearing Dobby's tea cozy (Harry Potter fans will get that reference).

So, I am going to ask everyone else questions to life's biggest mysteries (why is Kim Kardashian famous?). So, basically, over the next few weeks or months, I plan on hounding the people in my life...the people I barely know and the people I have just met, a set of 30 questions. Consider them rapidfire questions filled with irreverent moments. I shall blog about it right after with their answers. The whole concept behind this conceit is that you can learn a lot about life and purpose to living if you were willing to listen to what someone else has to say (even if it is their take on Kim Kardashian's fame and her wedding to husband number 3). My only goal is to learn from the other human being and hopefully someone else learns from them as well. One day I hope to collate them all and see if there is any structure to living life...if there is a specific goal to it. And really what does 42 really mean? (This time I am going for Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy). The questions will range from something as simple as someone's favourite colour and could get as personal as their favourite memory.

Anyway, I am very excited about this moment in my life and the possibilities I am opening myself to just by being willing to listen.

P.S: If anyone of you is willing to let me pose 30 quick questions, do drop me a line on Twitter or Facebook. The farther I reach, the better it is for me. (Really I would love it if someone came forth willingly to give me their take on life).

P.P.S: I might fall flat on my face while attempting to do this...but I hope I don't. I am quite excited at this prospect.

Dear daughter

We have not met yet and chances are we shall not be meeting for a very long time. Your mother (that would be me) has a lot of growing up to do before she gets to meet you and she plans on wasting most of that time making mistakes. Hopefully those mistakes will make me wiser for you and you can even learn from them. But until that day comes when you actually exist, I thought I could impart a few life lessons right away.

Do not take selfies in the bathroom
I have taken my fair share of selfies and honestly honey they all look terrible. You scrunch your face, turn your head, stare into the mirror while still holding that cell phone at the perfectly weird angle. And when you take a selfie in the bathroom, you need to make sure your dirty laundry is not in the picture. No one wants to see that. Also, when you pout your face, your natural smile dies away. Selfies are only alright after a new haircut and you know that the next day your hair will become the mess that it always used to be (you're my daughter, your hair will be unmanageable and thick, so deal with it). Selfies are only alright when you have no one to take your picture of you and your best friend.

Do not think Kim Kardashian is successful
I hate to even admit it but your mom (that would be me again) for a short time in her life thought that Kim Kardashian was not "entirely too bad." I regret it. Somehow I convinced myself that being rich and famous meant successful. It does not. Being rich makes you rich. Being famous means a lot of people know what your name is. Success comes from a deeper place. It's the knowledge that you have done your best in life. Success comes from fulfillment and integrity. Kim Kardashian spends her life taking selfies. She spends her life making other women feel inadequate. She is not very bright. She is the very definition of failing in life because her life is nothing more than an illusion. It's perfectly understandable to want to be beautiful and want other people to notice it too. It's perfectly understandable to care about clothes and earrings and shoes. It's also good to be self centered and selfish every once in a while. But do not be vain. Know that who you are matters more than what you look like. Being real has more value than looking plastic.

It's ok to be smart 
It's alright if you see a cute boy and think he's cute. We have all been there and done that. But it's not alright if you act dumb around a boy just to impress him! You have to have your own opinions and not just agree with everything that cute boy with the cute eyes is saying. One time a cute boy I was talking to did not know about the Beatniks. He thought they were a band. And what's worse is that I went along with him. Despite the fact that the Beatles are my favourite band and the Beatniks are some of my favourite writers and poets, I told this boy that a song called - While my guitar gently weeps - was my favourite song by the Beatniks. It was not my best moment in life. In fact I have done things like this with many people I have wanted to impress, not just boys. I think it was because I wanted to fit in better. But the truth is, the people who will really like you, will like you for the person that you are. They will like you for your opinions. And you are not being fair to someone by not being yourself. How can someone be expected to truly like you, if you never show them who you are?

Do not be afraid of people hating you
I once sat across someone who spent the entire evening making fun of gay men and I let it happen.  I didn't say anything bad myself but I never once raised my voice to tell her how very wrong I thought she was. I was afraid that that person would hate me. I was afraid that that person would make fun of me behind my back with her friends. I never thought how wrong it was of me for being a passive spectator to harmful behaviour. It's important to stand up for yourself. It is also important to stand up for others. But here is a very important piece of advice - be kind to others. I can forgive you for anything but if I ever find out that you were mean to someone out of pure spite, I shall be very disappointed in you.

Don't slam the door on your mother
This might sound a bit self serving but slamming the door on your mother solves nothing - it only breaks her heart and yours. One day you will be 14 years old and you will feel like the world does not "get you". You will think that your parents do not understand you. You will be confused by the changes happening around you, to you and to your friends and you will take that confusion out on your mother. That means there will come a day when you will look at me squarely in my eyes and tell me that you hate me. And before I could even reply, you will slam the door on my face. How do I know this for certain? Because I did it to my own mother. While that period of my teenage life was brief (and apparently it happened with nearly every girl I knew at that time), I still feel terrible about it. My mom is my best friend and the person who will be by my side no matter what. I realised this at 20. But I want you to know that if you do slam the door on my face, I will still be waiting for you on the other side. Just like my own mother did all those years ago. I will still love you, just like my own mother did. But it would be really nice if you didn't slam the door on me though.

Read a million books
When you read, you are always learning...always educating yourself. Reading keeps your mind sharp. It's like exercise for your brain. So, please read. However in the off chance you don't like books, find another passion. Anything. Twirl like nobody's business (twerking is not a passion). Dance. Run. Play sports. Write whatever comes to your mind. Take photographs. Become a football fan (Arsenal is the only club worth supporting honey). Do whatever you want but it's very important that you have legitimate hobbies and passion (writing vampire fan fiction really does not count sweetie). Hobbies lead to life experiences and you learn a lot more about yourself when you are passionate about things.

Love whomever you want
It does not matter if he is black or white or brown or anything else in between. It does not matter that he does not know the lyrics to all your favourite songs. It does not matter if he thinks books are a waste of his time. It does not matter if he thinks fart jokes are funny. If he loves you, makes you happy and he cares for you, that's all that matters. And oh, if you decide that you like girls instead of boys, that alright too. Come to me. We'll talk about it. You don't ever have to hide who you are to me. Love is love and you can't choose who you love and I will never stand in your way.

P.S I will not support any man who thinks books are a waste of his time. Sorry honey but you are not marrying him.

My answer to the marriage question

I read a very interesting blog today. A friend of mine sent me this link via Twitter titled 26, UNMARRIED, AND CHILDLESS. Written by Amanda Bast, who is only a year older than me, she talks about how people around her have already started pressuring her to get a good job, get married and have kids as soon as possible. It was raw and honest and I liked what she wrote but she does not necessarily reflect how I feel.

I am 25, not married and yes childless. And yes, as a girl from a Tambrahm family conversations at most weddings, dinners and even random encounters on the street turn inevitably to my marital status. In fact, it was one of the questions thrown at me in an interview. These questions make me uncomfortable but not for the reasons you think. I am not in anyway yearning to marry Prince Charming and have little unicorn babies and paint rainbows. But I am at loss for words as to how to respond correctly to those questions. I feel uncomfortable not because I am behind the proverbial race but simply because I have no idea what the future holds. But I know there is a disconnect. After all every other day, yet another friend decorates their Facebook wall with engagement/wedding photographs and I put up photographs of me running in desolate parts of the country or my favourite football players.

But that does not mean that I am in anyway jealous or envious of those getting married. In fact truth be told, I love it when someone puts up photographs of their weddings and engagements and I peruse it with glee. I love the colours, the smiles, the happiness writ on their faces and hopefully love too. I do not in any way begrudge them. What I do hate is when someone comes up to me and asks me when I plan on taking the plunge. After all the clock is ticking away. So instead of telling every person individually that my sad existence is anything but sad, I decided to pen down my reply through this blog. This is my answer to everyone who has this image of single girls sitting at home depressed and eating chocolates and crying about not having a man in their lives (thanks a lot Bridget Jones!).

Hi sir/madame. It's very nice to meet you. I honestly do not know when I am getting married. I am not against marriages or weddings but I am simply not married yet. My life is full and filled with laughter and friendship. I have a good job and I am good at it. It gives me freedom to buy unnecessary things in life. Just the other day I bought rather expensive earphones for no reason. I have great friends. Yes, we fight sometimes but at the end of the day we are there for each other. I don't know how these friendships will hold in the future but for now they are solid. Touch wood. I have a wonderful if somewhat unorthodox relationship with my parents. They are more my friends than my authority figures. They advice me, they cajole me but they also let me make my own choices. I have a neurotic sister who worries about everything that I do. Yes, it's highly annoying but it's a blessing I am grateful for. I have a niece I am mad about. She is my favourite person in the whole world and my best friend. Yes, my best friend is a two year old who still poops her pants. Deal with it.

My life is filled with travel and even adventure. I love trekking. I have gone on midnight treks and have slept under the stars. You appreciate your existence more when you have stars for company. I recently took up running seriously. I used to run a long time ago but somewhere along the line, the pressure of keeping up with my peers took over exploring my own passions. I have found it again. I spend money travelling to various cities and running in races there. I am no more than a novice but someday soon I will scale up to a full marathon. I can talk about running in my sleep because it has given me so much more than I could ever imagine. I cycle. Not much but I have re-introduced that childhood hobby into my life and I am liking it more and more every day. I obsess over movies, music and books and I have a strong opinion about nearly everything in life including politics. I listen to Taylor Swift. There. I said it. Not all her songs but some of them are fun dammit! I watch movies with my friends, my parents and the guy at our local theatre knows me and my mom by our names. We are that unabashedly frequent. I do not diet. If there is a pizza, I am eating it. Screw you if you tell me about the fattening cheese and carb content. That pizza will be eaten by me. 

I do not know if I am religious but I am spiritual and I believe that nature should be respected and worshiped. I am not lonely. I do not know if I am getting married but when I do, it will not complete me. That other person will not be the puzzle missing in my life. He would be my companion. Hopefully my friend and someone who understands or at least tolerates it when I have to wake up at 4.45am in the morning to go for a run. He will not be my savior and nor will I save or complete him in any way. I am already complete. I do not eat chocolates when I am depressed and I love football more than I could possibly ever love a romantic comedy. Although I do like good romantic comedies as long as they have solid plots and do not star Reese Witherspoon or Katherine Heigl. And there is a good chance that I would one day end up being a 70 year old grandmother talking about Arsenal football club and beating young kids in video games on Playstation 1000. 

In other words I am blessed and am a happy individual with a lot going in my life.  I wear many hats including that of a daughter, sister, friend, Gooner and a runner. And that's enough for me right now. So, next time you meet me ask me about my life. Ask me about my interests, about my travels, about my adventures or if you want to be tortured with some rather passionate yet droll statistics, ask me about my football team. I will be more than happy to oblige you. But if you ask me about marriage, all you will get from me is a shrug. Honestly I don't feel like I am losing any race against my married peers. I am just running at my own speed. And there is no schedule or finish line here. The journey is what matters the most. I am a runner. I know this much.

What I know to be true

When I was a child, I knew what I wanted. I knew I loved love horror movies. I knew I wanted to become a writer even though I had no idea what I would write about. I knew I wanted to be Enid Blyton and be a part of someone's life the way she was part of mine. I knew I wanted to turn into a bookworm and drink in as many books as possible. I wanted to marry Prince William.

As I grew up I held onto what I knew about myself and I held to be true. I decided that I didn't like the outdoors and any world I needed to explore was right there in a wonderful book written by RK Narayan or Tolkien. Well, I wasn't wrong. I lived in more worlds than anyone could imagine and thought myself to be very happy. But then 2012 happened to me.

A person I thought was my friend tore me down, shredded me and walked away and I will forever be grateful to her because it was the best thing that ever happened to me in my life. Because instead of judging people for their life choices (as she often encouraged me to do and I happily complied), I now had the opportunity to make my own stupid decisions without the fear of being called stupid.  I found new people in my life and I lost people in my life. Prince William got married and announced to the world that he was having a kid. Many things I thought were absolute truths disproved themselves and showed me their backs and walked away.

Suddenly it was the day the world was supposed to end and it didn't. The world did not end. No hammer from the sky emerged to dissolve us all into oblivion. And I realised that I had somehow turned 25; something I swore as a child I would never let happen, but then as a kid I also did not know that one generally does not win the race against time.

So, I decided to throw everything out of the window and just be. I took up trekking and slept under the stars alongside a bunch of strangers and yet I had never felt more safe knowing that I was truly a part of the universe, even if it was the most insignificant part of it. I began to run and realised that my body can do more than just hold a book and that it can literally take me places and allow me to explore the world from a whole new perspective. I went on a vacation for the first time in years. I wore a dress.

Suddenly I was living even though I had no clue how to do it in the "right way" anymore. Books became more meaningful somehow in ways I can't yet comprehend, perhaps because I had my own experiences to compare. And I have decided I will figure out who I am as I go along. One day I can be a philosopher and one day a teacher. I can quit everything and travel for months on end or get married and have 10 children. I like the confusion and the lack of direction because that means I am discovering new paths. And I have also decided that I never had any right (even by proxy) to judge anyone in life. People make mistakes but that only proves they are human. I make mistakes.

I know we live in a world where people bomb one another, kill one another and hurt one another. Where they pave paradise and put up parking lots. But that does not mean I will lose hope. I know with every day I become older but not quite wiser but I also know that at any given moment adorable puppies are being born and you can never be cynical in a world that has puppies. I also have made new truths along the way. And here are few that I think are true, at least for now -

• I have no idea what's going to happen tomorrow so I refuse to worry about it today. Nothing is ever as good or bad you might think it is going to be, so there is only disappointment waiting for those with expectations. 
• Music makes life better. 
• Any MP3 player can be as good as an Ipod but most are not as expensive and hence can be a practical choices for someone who is very close to being broke and desperately wants music in her life. 
• Losing an ATM card is really the best thing to happen to someone as you inadvertently learn to live on a budget. 
• Having a lot of money does not necessarily make you happy. 
• Horror movies are better watched with friends.
• Mom may not always know the best but she shows up when it's important.
• You can learn everything you need to learn about life by watching your two year old niece kick a football for the first time in her life because in those moments you see a brand new human being learn how to fall and get up and try again. It's inspiring. 
• Youtube can lead to insomnia.
• A good run may not solve all your problems but you will feel better at the end of it.
• Never hold onto relationships that make you feel bad about yourself.
• Being cynical may be "cool" but being open and raw means you are courageous. 
• Walking through life with your heart in your hands is naive and stupid but infinitely better than walking around refusing to let anyone in. 
• Friends are worth getting your heart broken over.
• Curd rice is refreshing and healthy. 
• A good book can change your world.
• Unicorns exist.