Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Dear Miley's Tongue...I feel for you

I do not know Miley Cyrus personally. She's not my friend. She's not my daughter. And she's not even the kind of musician I listen to. But unless you have been living under the rock the last couple of months, chances are you have been exposed to her tongue. She whips it out for her concerts, for her videos, her photo-shoots and am pretty sure she pulls it out when nature calls (gross but I'm convinced this happens). And now I have come to worry about this young woman's tongue and its well being more than the welfare of people I personally know.

I don't know about the rest of the world but I generally keep my tongue firmly within the confines of my mouth. It's there for a reason, I don't like displacing it. But Miley's tongue? Even if it's not particularly shy, am sure it also feels the need to rest for a bit once in a while. It must be tired from all those exercises the girl puts it through. And what about tongue hygiene? By now the tongue has been exposed to every different kind of weather and places. Not to mention it has probably been accumulating so much dust from going out so much. Does Miley make sure the tongue is well hydrated and has enough nutrition to survive what she puts it through? Has she thought about getting a tongue cleaner and a lotion to make sure her tongue does not get sun tan? What if it gets sunburnt? Has this child even thought about the trauma her tongue experienced when she wagged it in front of the whole world at the Video Music Awards? What if her tongue has PTSD from that torture?

Here's the most important question I often ponder over - does her tongue even want to be famous or has Miley coerced it to do her bidding? I feel terrible for kids whose parents force them to perform in front of complete strangers because they think "he's so talented when it comes to reciting every single nursery rhyme in existence". And I feel the same dread watching Miley's tongue. The tongue probably just wants to go away on an exile from humanity and never return but she's got it held hostage. So, I dedicate this blog to Ms Cyrus' tongue and I hope it knows where ever it is, I am praying for its safety.

And finally here's a message for Ms Cyrus herself - honey, I don't care how many different ways you twerk or how many cannon balls you swing on naked, but take care of your tongue. It's done nothing wrong in life. Stop punishing it young lady. And yes, will it kill you to put some clothes back on? 


  1. This is by far, the most humane take on the issue. I want to applaud.