Monday, January 27, 2014

The Rahul Gandhi drinking game

Do you remember that feeling when you would go to an important exam completely prepared and you end up getting most of the questions from the one chapter you didn't touch because you thought it was unimportant? Rahul Gandhi's exclusive interview with Arnab Goswami was just that...only times million and it happened for all the world to see. The sweaty, mumbling, pretty boy of politics, when put under the scanner, did not disappoint - he came across as absolutely clueless. And for the casual observer of Indian politics, it was pure comedic gold. As I watched the interview unfold itself, I was hit with the greatest idea I have had since deciding to watch Dhoom 3 for the second time - the Rahul Gandhi drinking game. Indulge me a bit as I set across the rules for the game. All you need is a shot glass, a wine glass, alcohol and some water.

Drink up my friends!
Every time Rahul Gandhi was asked an actual question do with the country, he blinked a whole lot and said "actually" a whole lot. Every time you hear this word, kindly take one sip of red or white wine of your choice. Sipping is enough because by the time he shall finish that sentence, you would have finished the glass.

Women empowerment
Oh boy. Sigh. The fate of the Indian nari (a clan I belong to) apparently now rests in the hands of the village idiot. And he seems to have taken his role as the crusader for "women empowerment" very seriously. So if you are a man, take a shot every time he says this phrase, if you are woman, take two shots (you really need it honey, we are doomed).

Yup. Ask Rahul about the economy, he will talk about RTI. Ask Rahul about the caste system in India, he will talk about RTI. Ask Rahul about his favourite sandwich, he will talk about RTI. The kid is clearly in love with RTI (maybe it's the easiest word to remember perhaps?). So, every time, he runs off on a tangent about RTI, help yourself to a swig of Long Island Iced Tea, if you have access to it.

Every time Arnab Goswami smiles
Arnab Goswami knew he hit gold, when Rahul Gandhi started sweating beads of sweat, while hemming and hawing his way through the interview. Goswami had a slight smirk, that widened every time, Gandhi nodded his head and blinked his eyes. The smile of a predator who knows he does not even have to make an effort as his prey was currently not only killing himself but also cooking and marinating himself in a frying pan. Just pour some red wine into your system and toast to Arnab Goswami, the king of smirks.

My family
Oooh boy. Even when he claimed, he didn't "choose" his family, Rahul spoke about his family a whole lot...didn't he? My mother, my father, my sister, my family. I don't know about the rest of the world but I am darn sure, baby Gandhi went back home after the interview to complain about the mean bully and cry into his mommy's arms. One shot of drink of your choice.

Politician/my degree is not fake
Ok, by now I am sure you have gotten really tipsy and are probably just about to pass out. Gandhi visibly gulped when he was asked about his degree from Cambridge. It was awful to watch but also incredibly funny. And he stuttered and stammered his way while tring to convince himself that he was in fact a politician. A glass of white wine as you roll your eyes to Rahul Gandhi stammering about how he's a strange politician who is not after power and does not fit in with the others.

The youth
It's our final catch phrase of the day. "The youth of India" is obviously a cause Rahul Gandhi is committed to. He has done (in his words) tons to empower the youth. So if you consider yourself to be part of the "youth of India" and feel like Gandhi has helped you out in any way, drink a glass of water. It should help settle your stomach after all that drinking...Nobody wants to drink that glass water? Hmm...strange...

So that's it. This was my drinking game for everyone's pleasure. As a teetotaler myself, I apologise beforehand if I have gotten any drinking terminologies wrong. And just in case make sure you have an ambulance number on your speed dial. This game could be potentially dangerous. Long live Indian politics! I shall drink to that indeed. 

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